How I Found Out

I found out that my boyfriend is positive in an email. I know what you're thinking; it should've been done face-to-face. At the time I was upset with how it was done, but the email gave me time to calm down before I reacted. I guess I was able to attempt to reason through what was going on, though I wasn't very good at that first night.

The email also gave me something obsess over. I printed it out. I carried it with me and every few minutes I'd reread it hoping it would say something different. Hundreds and maybe even thousands of times I've read this email now and each time I still get choked up.

Over the next few weeks I want to share with you the pieces email I received and what it meant to me.

I hadn't originally planned to talk about this over email, but it's been harder to talk about face to face than I expected. Well... maybe not harder than I expected, just hard in general & I think you'll understand once I stop beating around the bush and get to the damn point.

I've tried to get a read on how you'll react to this, but I can't quite figure out your thoughts yet. [...] Anyway, I continue to ramble. I'm HIV+.

So there it was in black and white. HIV+. I couldn't believe how hard those words were to read. I think I started crying immediately.